Italy - SOLO 24hr - May 19th 20th 2012!!!! Here we come.

16 April 2012

85 viva-italia 

The Past is the past...lets get on with the show.

 

When I was young, I was soooo soo shy, so sooo wanting to be like the rest of the girls, wanting to be sporty, wanting to be accepted.

Instead I was a bit of an introvert who really enjoyed her own company, inventing, dreaming, cooking, drawing, creating stuff.

 

So I look at who I am as an adult and these patterns of behaviour still exist.

Wanting to prove myself to the world, feel accepted and worthy and showing people that I can do things they think I perhaps cant.

I still love my own company, I love to create, I love to think up great ideas and see what comes of them.

 

My question to myself over the past 18 months has been – why do I need to feel this way? Why do I want to do great things? Why does it matter what I have done in the past? Who even cares what I do in the future? What am I meant to do be doing in my life? What value will I bring to this world? How can I be the best me there is?

 

These are the kind of things most people ask themselves from time to time, often after life changing events. For me it was becoming the Solo 24hr World champion in Canberra in 2010. Upon reflection it was not so much the title that had me questioning such “whys” but more so the whole entire process of what was prior to the end result of winning.

If you spend an entire 18 months inching forward towards a goal, focussing your energy and actions into it, then the purpose of WHY you are even doing it can and often does become a blurr. All I knew was that I was going to be the best Jess Douglas I could be on the day, in every minute aspect of my being.

I was absorbed in the process but forgot to stop and taste it every now and again.

...and so I won, so I got my goal and now how did I feel about it?

I had been creating this masterpiece for so long that I could no longer appreciate it, only saw the hard work and layers underneath the glowing result.

 

It has taken me since October 2010 until NOW, April 2012 to fully understand my pscyche.

...and thats why I am ready to go to Italy in 5 weeks and race – yes thats RACE a 24hr solo event to WIN and have the best time ever doing so.

I have realised that the world is full of amazing people, people that inspire me, people that are inspired by me, people that say hello to each day with passion and dont worry too much about the whys.

Its my job to work hard at what I do, I have to, its what I am put on this earth to do, suffer a little to grow heaps. To show others that stuff is possible, that our minds are silly and disabling if we let them rule us.

I used to say a lot to myself, a quote from somewhere...”The good Lord gave us a body that can do almost anything, its our minds we have to convince.”

I have been avoiding the hard work, I have been fearful of failure, fearful of what people may think or say.

But you know what?...what does it matter? If one were to worry about what people said or thought about anything we do in life, no matter of its significance in the scheme of things, would we even get out of bed in the morning?

 

My reminder to myself today – Fear is a figment of my mind, if I just DO with passion and purpose, with integrity and goodness then how can I give fear any of my time, energy or thoughts? I will always remind myself of this, today and each day forward from here.