Since winning the Scott 24hr back in September I have not been idle, just on the blog front!
I often get asked how long does it take to recover from a 24hrs, well I am always back on the bike as soon as I can, but it feels like my brain and legs don't align. Brain says ride hard, legs feel laboured, not sore, but below par.
As we drove from our accommodation to Mt Stromlo I found it really challenging to connect my current existence in the world right now with the fact that in a couple of hours I would be racing a 24hr, for 24 hours!
Again, I had this familiar feeling with being pregnant and suddenly realising that I was going to give birth, for real. This baby inside me was going to be outside of me via giving birth – brain overload! No more thinking, I was just going to let nature take its course.
I have had a very memorable September.
The month started out with a cold, running nose, breathing that was laboured and that sinus pain behind the eyes.
My riding continued and I managed to win the Beechworth Six Hours in The Saddle on the 30th August, against someone who would become my competition yet again later in the month.
Its right in the height of winter, the days are cold, often raining sometime throughout, sometimes frosted so cold overnight I've been waking up with the fog of cold breath sneaking up from under my doona.
We have even had snow down here in the Otways.
The mornings have often been filled with magic, winter is, if you choose to embrace it, a time of the year when all your senses are alive. You can smell the air, you can certainly feel the freshness, the sight of frost or low clouds creates a sense of comfort and I am tasting a fair bit of mud!
I was only telling someone today about my daily relationship with depression.
If you were to ask me how long have I have been living with this...I can remember many daily suicidal thoughts, wishing that night I would go to bed and somehow be taken away to a better place and never wake up to face the world the next day. Maybe if I was honest, I can remember these prayers to God being spoken from my heart from as early as 9 or 10.